hope

Surgery day is tomorrow. Check in is at 6 a.m. Surgery start time is 8 a.m. Apparently the O.R. is booked for 7 hours so it's gonna be a long one. I will likely be taken into ICU to recover since it's such a long surgery and I will be under for so long. I will be in recovery for an hour and a half to two hours then taken to my room where I will be for 5-10 days depending on a ton of variables. I would love visitors but wait until Matt puts it on here that we are ready for visitors. I think we're going to post some 'visiting hours' so that I can make sure I have plenty of time to rest and recover.

I woke up today feeling better than I have in a long time. Yesterday I didn't know how I was going to get through today, and today I just almost can't wait till tomorrow. I am feeling strong and confident and hopeful. I know this is because of prayer.

I have a lot to live for. I have some big plans.

When we moved into this house three years ago, I gave a talk in church about how I'm not super talented right now. I literally have no hobbies or talents. Especially at that time, I had a 6 month old, a 2 year old and two 6 year olds. I felt like I had to just put it out there that I was not very valuable as far as being a fantastic baker or a scrapbooker or a photographer or knowing everything there is to know about ... well, anything. But I have plans to be amazing! I have all these things that I would love to do and learn and these interests and future hobbies are divided into 3 categories: 1- things I can do while I still have kids at home 2- things I can do when I have all my kids in school and 3 - things I can do once I'm an empty nester. That is my favorite category! I LOVE being a mommy and I LOVE staying at home, but I am really excited to see what the second half of my life will look like. I think I even said something like "you're gonna want to be my friend in 20 years, I will be amazing in 20 years!"

In fact, I have goals for every decade.

I will be 46 when my youngest graduates high school. Along with getting  my education, learning to sew, learning to play the piano and finally catching up on all my family's pictures and videos - I am determined to buy a completely impractical, hot, sexy car! I will rock the minivan now, but once these kids are out of here, I'm getting a convertible! I realize it might seem like a mid-life crisis, but I'm hoping that since I'm calling it now, it doesn't count as much!

In my 50's I want to travel. I have no desire to travel now but I think by the time I'm in my 50's - I'll be ready to check out all of these fabulous places that I have seen my friends and family explore.  I don't really have a list yet of places I want to go, but I just know that it will be fantastic.

I am going to be so stylin in my 60's. I am going to be the most eccentric and funky grandma that you have ever seen. See, you can't do that in your 30's... you're just weird if you wear 8 necklaces and crazy makeup and wild hair in your 30's. If you are in your 60's - you're just eccentric! I think I'll get a ton of wigs and wacky clothes and just wear 20 pounds of jewelry every day. I can't wait!

I am most excited about my 70's! Oh my gosh, I'm so excited! Matt will argue with this but in my 70's I have to live somewhere that doesn't have an HOA because I'm gonna become the most eccentric lady ever! I'm painting my house all kinds of bright colors - think the Up! house. Actually I had dreamed about a blue house with pink trim and turquoise shutters and when we went to see Up for the first time, Matt and I couldn't believe that MY house was on a Disney movie!! I swear they copied me somehow. Anyway, I'm gonna paint my house and drive a funky car and wear ALL KINDS of jewelry. I can't wait. Matt says I can't do any of this stuff until he is dead but I don't want to wait that long. Plus, I think by then I will get such a kick out of driving my husband crazy.

I'm still figuring out my 80's. But I promise, it will be super fun. Oh, and now I want to live to be 100 so I have to come up with something for my 90's too. Good times.

You might think this is kind of crazy, but seriously - are you excited for your 60's? Your 70's? I don't know many people that are. But I'm SO excited! I can't wait to become all these fabulous different versions of myself and just have fun with life. Life is about being happy. I have tried really hard to love life at every stage and I'm determined to always feel that way. Cancer has tried to put a dent in that attitude but I really have tried so hard not to let it make me miserable.

And tomorrow I get this cancer out of my body and move on to the next stage in this beautiful, sweet life.