a little getaway

I sat on the beach by myself and cried yesterday. I cried for all that I have lost, all that I am losing and all that will be lost in the coming months. My privacy, my dignity, my naivety. I cried for myself and my husband and children. I wish I was not this girl right now. I want to be carefree and fun and happy. I was that girl and now I have this weight. I have this worry behind every move and every thought.

Then I glanced down and saw my Team Ashley bracelet. So I cried some more, but this time in gratitude. Grateful for my friends, near and far, old and new, everyone who has reached out and strengthened me when I had no strength left. My amazing family who has shed more tears than I have and who have surrounded us with all the love possible.

I sit here, realizing that if I was someone else, I would not have cancer but I wouldn't have you. And you have made all the difference. I sit here, sad but grateful.