angry Ashley

When was the last time your life was threatened? Like, someone told you they were going to kill you. Never? I would venture to guess most of us would say never. How about the last time someone threatened to rape you? Or rape your wife? Anyone ever said that to you before? How do you think you'd react if someone did. What about your kids- anyone ever threatened to go to your house and kill your children in their sleep while you were at work? I would guess never. No one has ever said that to you.

Unless you're a police officer.

In that case, it probably happens about once a week. Maybe more depending on how violent an area you work in.

I have been threatened to be raped dozens of times. And my children's lives have been threatened countless times. Oh and my husband's life, probably as often as once a shift.

This morning my son was looking at a gift my sweet friend Michelle brought to my house yesterday. Ethan said, "Mom, people are so good. They are so nice. It's hard to believe that there are bad people in the world. But there are, and Dad knows all of them."

This is our reality. This is what we signed up for. I am a fiercely proud police wife. If this cancer ends up killing me and my husband remarries, I will haunt him forever. Haha, just kidding. When he remarries, one of my requirements for his new wife is that she is a fiercely proud police girlfriend/fiance/wife (I have A LOT of requirements for her, poor thing.) If she tries to get my husband to do something else for a job - she's out. She's gotta be tough enough to handle the call outs, the fear, the worry. I can handle it. I wouldn't want my life any other way. Matt is supposed to be a cop. It is in his bones, deep in his soul. He makes a difference. He saves lives. He keeps the bad guys away from the good people. There is so much good. But for the past two days I have been screaming at CNN and I can't keep all these thoughts in my head anymore. So sorry as we take a break from cancer, and sorry that this is political. If you happen to disagree with me, I STRONGLY recommend that you keep your mouth shut. You will not change my mind. Just like I know I won't change yours. So STOP READING NOW if you think Michael Brown was some gentle giant and that Officer Wilson is the devil. But I have to write this all down and this is my own blog and I can say whatever the heck I want. If you disagree with me, write it on your own blog. I won't read it, but get it out of your system, I promise you'll feel better.

I keep saying that this blog is for my children, for when they are older and curious about this crazy time. So kids, a few months ago a black 18 year old man robbed a store, attacked a police officer, tried to get the police officer's gun, started to walk away then charged the officer. The officer shot the man and he died. It's sad that this man made so many poor choices that led to his death. People have tried to turn this 18 year old man into a saint and the police officer into an evil white man who killed a teenager because he was black. Witnesses said that the black man had his hands up, witnesses like his buddy who robbed the store with him. Other uninterested parties said that the man did not have his hands up. People have tried to turn this situation into a racially motivated police brutality story with the black man acting as martyr.

This is not true. A criminal tried to kill a police officer and the police officer reacted as he should have. Let me give you a little tip - if you don't want to be killed by a police officer, don't attack a police officer. I just solved the problem. You're welcome.

There have been riots for the past two days since the grand jury came back and didn't indict the police officer. Justice prevailed.

Unfortunately people are trying to further persecute this officer. His ADDRESS was published today. The federal government is investigating, prolonging this difficult and ridiculous situation. It makes me scream with frustration. Because that could be Matt. That could be ANYONE that is a police officer. You can do everything right but this insanity could happen to you because you did your job. IT MAKES ME CRAZY!! It is wrong. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG!

It is hard enough - this JOB IS HARD ENOUGH. To make it like this, it's just wrong. It's wrong and it makes me angry. Are there bad cops out there? Yep. Is Darren Wilson one of them? NO!!!! NO NO NO NO NO! He's not! Can you tell I'm fired up?! This is just all so crazy. And it feels personal. It feels like this could happen to anyone and it just makes me crazy. Police officers have to make split second life or death decisions. Now that Officer Wilson has told his story, the media is picking it apart. Why didn't you do this... why didn't you do that? On CNN, NO JOKE, they said 'well, why didn't he just let Michael Brown go?" ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?! Why didn't he let a violent criminal go?! Are you serious?!?! I can't handle it. Do you know how many police officers have been killed since this incident happened? 41. (By the way, it broke my heart to see all of their names. That messes with my head big time. This one happened 4 days ago and is a perfect example of what I'm talking about.) How many have received national attention? Um, yeah, none. How many riots have occurred over the unfairness of their lives ending simply because they are cops. Or check out this article: http://www.breitbart.com/Breitbart-California/2014/08/30/57-Police-Officers-were-Fatally-Shot-by-Unarmed-Suspects

So next time you are in the fight for your life, don't call the cops, just handle it on your own. And if you survive, be sure to call me, tell me your story, and I will be sure to go step by step through the entire encounter and tell you all the mistakes you made along the way. Wait, that would be cruel? Heartless? You were fighting for your life - how could I second guess your motives or your methods?

Were mistakes made in Ferguson? Heck yeah. A tiny little department under the scrutiny of the entire nation. Mistakes were made. Do you ever make mistakes in your job? I'm sure you don't. Mistakes were made. There are bad cops. There are bad shoots. Please find one and let's use it to make positive changes. But this situation - clean. Clean and justified and I can't keep my mouth shut. I'm so proud of my hero husband and his colleagues and I need my children to know and understand that.

Back to cancer - because of my low white counts I got a shot on Monday that will kick start my bone marrow into producing more white blood cells. Bone pain, joint pain, arthritis like symptoms are the main side effect. I have had a migraine since Monday and I woke up today with my back hurting pretty good. This may have something to do with my saucy attitude today. I realized that I have been in varying degrees of pain for months now and it just pretty much sucks. In case you were wondering, cancer sucks. But I'm so excited and can't wait for all of our Thanksgiving festivities and even in the midst of cancer, I have so very much to be grateful for. Thanks for checking in, sorry I'm not sorry if I offended you.