boring update

On Monday night, I had a burst of energy and cleaned out my lash room. I had been putting off putting away all of my stuff because I knew it would be pretty depressing. It was. I cried and cried. Stupid cancer is changing my whole entire life. And I really, really liked my life the way it was. I was putting away stuff from Girls Camp. I was diagnosed just a few weeks before camp and thanks to doctor's appointments and the stress of everything going on, I didn't go to camp. I was the stake YCL leader (YCL's are girls ages 16  & 17, we had 100 YCL's this year.) All those months preparing, so much work (!!), stress, sweat, tears, drama. All of it and I didn't even get to go. ugh. It just sucks.

So cleaning out that room made me pretty grumpy yesterday. I was still pretty weepy and just the unfairness of it all just slapped me across the face.

Today I woke up all kinds of better. I think I have to get it out of my system sometimes. I also think that when I post some super dramatic thing on here, lots of people pray for me and it helps more than anything else. I don't mean to be dramatic - I think all those things that I am worried about are valid and pretty scary - but I wonder if I should hold back a little more. I don't mean to make you all so worried.

Today was another busy morning at MD.

It started with the weekly follow up with my radiation oncologist. When we walked up to radiation, there was a woman there who I had met before, 'ringing out.' There is a bell that you get to ring when your treatments are finished. I can't read the plaque without crying so don't ask me what it says, but basically it says that your journey is through. I have seen quite a few people ringing out. Some are by themselves and that makes me sad. Some have just their immediate family and the nurses that were involved in their care. Today there was a ton of people there and I know that is how I want my ringing out to be. Party at the hospital! When I'm done it's going to be such a huge celebration. I want everyone who has helped me through this to be there - and that it just dozens and dozens of people, haha!! This woman who was ringing out today, we had a common friend and she was so sweet to me today. Her husband and a few of her friends came over to talk to me and tell me that they have heard about me and are praying for me. It's just the most incredible thing, to meet a stranger, and hear that. I love it. I want to be as good as these people are.

After my meeting with Dr. C, I went to meet with Dr. Rao for the first time. He is an oncologist who heads up the integrated medicine division at MD Anderson. It's a new department and I feel so lucky to be a part of this new way of partnering natural remedies with traditional medicine. I am meeting with a nutritionist this week and I have an appointment for acupuncture. I have a few new meds from my appointment with my oncologist yesterday and I am hopeful. Oh yeah, because I spoke too soon, the nausea came back on Sunday. Nothing horrible, but enough that they want me to have some more relief. Also, I lost some weight and that is not good.

After that meeting, I met my mom in the front of the hospital. She had never been there before so I showed her around and she came to my radiation treatment today. I think it was a little hard for her which made me sad. It is all pretty surreal sometimes.

She took these pics in front of the Tree of Hope. The plaque says "May this tree bring hope and strength to all those touched by cancer." The tree is covered in different color ribbons - each representing a different kind of cancer. I put my ribbon on the first day of treatment.



Well that is pretty much it. Nothing too interesting. Sorry I'm boring today ;)