just saying

* I'm pretty sure that once it comes time for surgery, I will either have to be handcuffed and brought to the hospital, or sedated prior to getting into the car. I am so so scared for surgery. I've never sported handcuffs, I'm thinking that will be the funnier route. At this point, we still aren't 100% sure, but it's looking like I will be having surgery the first week in September.

* Is it ridiculous that I am so annoyed that it is going to be in September?! September is magical for me - it's my husband's birthday (the 5th), my birthday (the 21st) and our anniversary (the 28th - this year celebrating 13 years of wedded bliss.) Oh and FOOTBALL starts! And the weather kind of sort of gets slightly less awful. I'm so annoyed that cancer is gonna put a kink in my September celebrations. Stupid cancer.

* So I have a theory. It's more than a theory - I am sure this happened! In our church we believe we lived together before we came to earth. We had souls but no bodies. We had to come to earth to get bodies. I am convinced that when Matt and I were deciding when we wanted to be born it went something like this:

Matt: I want to be born around 1800. I am destined to be a cowboy. I am happiest when I am on a horse. That is the time for me.

(can souls ride horses?!? Haha, this is where my theory is slightly flawed. Maybe he just knew he would be happiest on a horse. And he really is, he is a cowboy at heart.) 

Ash: Oh babe, I forgot to tell you! I agreed to get cancer in my 30's! I can't be born in the 1800's - I will die an early death! It has to be later.

Matt: What?! How could you forget to tell me something like that?! Ashley...

Ash: Sorry! I just forgot! I also signed up to have infertility problems so we have to go to earth later. The whole running water, indoor plumbing, and air conditioning sounds pretty great too. I'll make you a deal, we go to earth later and you can be the closest thing to a cowboy there is. We will live in the West, you can carry a ton of guns (which are even cooler than the guns you were going to carry as a cowboy) and you can go get the bad guys.

Matt: Fine, have it your way.

(Smart man!)

* I will never ever never ever get used to having people play around with my butt cheeks. At every radiation appointment, I lay face down on the table, with my booty exposed. I have a tech on my left and a tech on my right. I have had 5 different techs. 2 of them have been guys. They have to adjust me so that the lasers line up perfectly on either side of me and on top of me. Sometimes this requires me to scoot up or down. Sometimes it is a tug of the sheet to one side, or a tug on the other side. But nearly every day, it is a readjustment of a butt cheek. They move my butt cheek, then it jiggles back down and they have to move it again. Oh my goodness, the humiliation! How do you control your jiggly butt cheeks? It's just pretty embarrassing. I will never get used to it. Ever.

* Have a ever told you about my sister-in-law? Well she is incredible. Like so incredible we don't know how my brother managed to convince her to marry him (although my brother is actually turning out to be an incredible man himself) and we all count ourselves incredibly lucky to be related to her. Melissa and her friend Ashleigh are putting together a fundraiser for me. I feel so honored and just, wow, what an sweet gesture. And I love the 'Back to School' theme - it takes all the pressure off of that first day of school craziness of trying to do a chalkboard sign or a big number that the kid holds, you know what I mean? Some of my friends are extremely talented at stuff like that but I am definitely NOT! I love the idea of a professional pic of my kids at the beginning of the year and for $30?! That is a seriously great deal!



* Q: How are you feeling?
   A: Good. I am feeling better than I expected at this point. I only have 10 more treatments left!! 2 more weeks then I am done with radiation. My booty is starting to feel the effects of the laser, and I was up all night last night because of it. Not fantastic but I will figure it out. The nausea isn't as bad as it was, I am on a motion sickness patch and it is working wonders. I get severe headaches pretty much every afternoon which is just annoying more than anything else. I am functioning, I am running errands, I'm being me. My kids are experiencing some summertime boredom but also getting kind of annoyed that I am leaving every day for the hospital, sometimes up to 3-4 hours depending on who I am meeting with that day. This will probably end up being our least favorite summer but that is ok. I will make next summer amazing!

* Last week I thought I was going to die, I felt like the cancer was gonna get me in the end. I don't feel that way this week. The only thing worse than having butt cancer is dying from butt cancer and I am just not gonna let that happen. A girl can only handle so much embarrassment, haha!