one more treatment left

I have been pretty quiet on the blog recently. My motto has been: If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin at all. Last week I hit a bit of a wall. Specifically on Thursday, I woke up just angry. The radiation burn had kept me up all night and I was tired of being in pain and feeling just not like myself at all. I was almost in tears at the hospital as I spoke with my nurse about options for pain relief. 6 treatments just felt so incredibly impossible. I felt like I couldn't make it.

They had warned me that this was going to happen. The radiation would burn my skin in a fantastically sensitive place, it would blister and the skin would break and start to break down. It could have happened as early as 2 weeks into treatment so the fact that it wasn't until my 5th week is pretty remarkable. I'm pretty lucky. It could be far worse.

But Thursday I woke up mad. Why did I have to get BUTT cancer? Your butt is pretty important. Sitting, standing, walking, even laying down - all kinds of pain. Shooting, stabbing, incredibly painful pain. Razorblades. I feel like I'm pooping razor blades. Haha, too much!? Did I cross the line?! It's so painful!! Ahhh.

So yeah. I didn't really want to talk about it. When people ask me how I'm feeling, I'm always torn. Do I tell the truth? The truth is it hurts. Things are hurting. But I'm ok. I'm doing ok. The side effects from the chemo are all under control. I could have nausea, mouth sores, bowel problems, fatigue. I was pretty sick the first few weeks but it's all under control now. I lost 5 pounds in one week but I gained it back and I have an appetite. I'm doing great. My hands and feet are sore, which is  chemo thing, but nothing unbearable.

Today I woke up hyper! So happy! So excited!! Tomorrow is my LAST DAY OF RADIATION!!! Yay!!! Just one more treatment left!!!! I'm so excited! I did it!!! I'm so so proud of myself!! It will take 2-3 weeks for the radiation burn to heal, but I can deal with that. I can do this. I'm doing it. I've got this. I made it. I'm a third of the way done. Next step is surgery. I've been terrified for that but today, I'd have surgery today if they let me. I want this cancer out of my body. I can do surgery, I will be great, I can do it.