Getting the initial results from Matt's point of View

Hey its Matt,

So there has never really been a time like this for me. I have found myself trying to sit along side Ashley as she goes through this with no idea what to say or what to do. As we travel down this road together I would feel horrible if I didn't recount the events immediately after she came out of her initial exam. I will try and do it in a way that is easy to follow.... here goes

So I was sitting in the front room thinking I was going to wait forever for her to get out of her procedure. But before I knew it there was a female nurse telling me it was over and the doctor needed to speak with me and Ashley.

I was escorted back to the recovery room where Ashley was lying on her left side still groggy from the medication. Her eyes were open, and she said hi to me, but I could tell she was still hammered from the medication. Dr Larson pulled up a chair and had me sit down.

He crouched in front of me and very matter of fact began by saying, "Well, we have a problem." He handed me a printout with a ton of writing and four pictures at the bottom. Two of the pictures represented healthy colons, and the other two were from Ashley.

He pointed to the far right picture and said . . . . "Here you can see the misshapen tumor" How could I miss it?!?! Then Ashley started to chime in. This is how the rest of the conversation went.... keep in mind this was over the course of about twenty minutes, and I'm sure I have forgotten (or blocked out) some of it.

(Dr Larsen) See how it is oddly shaped?
(Ashley) So I don't have any polyps?
(Dr Larsen) No I didn't find any
(Ashley) No fissures or hemorrhoids?
(Dr Larsen) No I didn't find any..... This tumor is about the size of a quarter and is located in the colon. I think it is in a good location for surgery tho.
(Me) Ok so what is the next step?
(Dr Larsen) Well, I biopsied the tumor and we will have to wait for the results which usually take about a week to get back. In the mean time she will need a CT scan to see if it has spread to any of her vital organs.
(Ashley) So I don' t have any hemorrhoids?
(Me) No babe there weren't any polyps or hemorrhoids, just the tumor
(Ashley) OK.....
(Dr Larsen) The tumor is pretty close to the rectum so there are only a couple of options. I have seen several just like this and I have had success in the past shrinking them with Chemo and radiation. This allows for better results with surgery in not leaving permanent quality of life changes. Whether or not it is cancer we will still need to shrink it and ultimately remove it.
(Me) That makes sense.  Will she still need a colostomy bag?
(Dr Larsen) After the surgery she will need one temporarily while she heals, but if all goes well it won't have to be permanent.
(Ashley) So did I have any hemorrhoids or polyps?
(Dr Larsen) No sweetie..... No polyps or hemorrhoids. No fissures or any other issues that would explain your symptoms. Do you have any questions Matt?
(Me) No I think I understand. She has a tumor, will need a CT scan that your office will set up. And then we wait?
(Dr Larsen) Yes, unfortunately we are just kind of in a holding pattern for the next two weeks or so. There are a couple of things she needs to do before our next visit, but we won't have all the answers until then. I have never come across a tumor that looks like this, with these types of symptoms and it not be cancer. So we are going to treat it as such. We have to shrink it and remove it no matter what to save her normal bowel functions. This is going to be a rough 6-8 months..... but we are going to get through this together...
(Me) thanks doc
(Dr Larsen exits the room and the RN in the recovery room leaves us alone for a couple minutes.) I slide closer to Ashley as I hold the paperwork in my hands.
(Ashley) So did he find any hemorrhoids or polyps?
(Me) No baby, he just found a tumor. . . . . . . he thinks its cancer.

I could see her eyes welling up with tears, so I knew it was finally sinking in. I ran and grabbed some tissue. When I gave it to her, she began wiping her eyes in the strangest fashion. She would look up and then blot her lower eye lid. She did this several times before I realized..... in spite of being heavily medicated, and just receiving news she might have cancer....... She was trying to not mess up her eye lashes !!!!! Only Ashley....

They have told us going into the procedure she would have acute memory loss designed to help her not remember what was unfortunately being done to her poor body.... but I didn't realize it was going to be like that..... I couldn't help but laugh by the fourth or fifth time she asked the same question.

The rest of our next thirty minutes together is going to remain private...
I will tell you that I have never felt closer to my wife. After nearly 13 years of marriage, my love and devotion toward her felt brand new and as strong as it ever has been.

For those of us who know her best, we know she is an amazing woman. And her first week dealing with this new scary trial has shown me how amazing she really is. She is so much stronger than I am. She has so much more faith then I do. And her happy way of life has not diminished one bit.

I'm often awe stricken watching her move forward, and I count myself lucky to be her partner throughout this journey.