test day

Friday morning was testing day. I had blood drawn in my right arm to test for cancer markers in my blood. Not all cancer patients have the cancer show up in a blood test, but if mine does, they can use these results to compare to what my blood shows after treatment.

I had an IV placed in my left arm for the MRI. I've never had an MRI before and the hardest part about that was making sure I sat perfectly still for 30 minutes. "If you even wiggle your toe, I will see that on the screen and it will mess up the picture" the tech told me. So of course I'm one minute into a possibly 45 minute test and my nose starts itching. "Just don't think it about it. Just ignore it, go to your happy place" I kept thinking. But the more I thought about NOT itching my nose, the more it was ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT! Haha! I didn't give in though but as soon as I was able to, I scratched my whole face, haha! The tech was probably slightly disturbed!

After the MRI, I went straight in for the PET scan. The day before the PET scan I had to follow a low carb, high protein, no sugar diet. I just about died doing that for one day. How do you people live like that?! I've never wanted a bagel or a cupcake more in my entire life! Apparently the tracer that they give you to trace the cancer is a sugar based compound so they don't want you to have extra sugar in your body. I know it was just one day but I seriously have crazy respect now for people that can diet that way long term. Ya'll are nuts, but wow, I'm impressed.

Are you following my shortcomings? Tell me I have to sit still and all I want to do is scratch my nose. Tell me no sugar and it's all I can think about all day long. Tell me I'm gonna lose my uterus and I pout for two days. Girl wants what she can't have.

Anyhow, the tech gave me the tracer through my IV and then I had to sit perfectly still for 50 minutes. I took a little nap, then they woke me up and had me get the scan. I only had to sit still for 22 minutes that time.

The PET scan made me radioactive so I couldn't be around my children for 6 hours which made for an incredibly long day for my angel mother who babysat my children for 12 hours that day but I had a great time going out to eat at Crackers with Matt, going shopping at Target, the mall, and Bath and Body Works. I could be out in general public but not in close contact with children. Matt and I thought it would be a great idea to go to the movies.

We never go to the movies. I don't really like spending $20 to sit in a theater and have people cough all over the back of my head or have kids kick the back of my seat. Oh and usually I have to pay a babysitter too. If I just wait a few months, I can watch the same exact movie in the comfort of my own home for just $1.25. I'm just so cheap. Also, if I am hanging out with people, whether it be my husband or our friends, I'd rather talk and laugh and interact with them, not sit silently next to them for 2 hours.

Anyhow, the thought of losing ourselves in a movie and taking a break from our troubles sounded very appealing. Oh and some of our super awesome friends gave us movie gift cards so that helped ease my annoying cheapness.

We went to see the new Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore movie Blended. A client had told me it was super cute and that we would like it.

::::Spoiler alert:::::

The premise behind the movie is that Adam and Drew's characters are set up on a blind date that goes terrible and then get stuck on a family vacation together. Hilariousness ensues. It is a great movie. We laughed and laughed.

We also cried and cried since Adam's character is single because his wife DIED OF CANCER and through half the movie you see the sad effects that the loss of their mother has on his three daughters. Um... yeah... NOT the best movie to watch when you are 2 weeks post diagnosis and possibly dying yourself.

And seriously, what is up with the cancer movies? The Fault in our Stars? I've been told by at least a dozen people to absolutely NOT watch that movie! When we were walking into the theater Matt says "What is with all these girls coming out of the theater crying hysterically? Look at them! They are bawling!"

I was pretty tough in the movie, I only cried a little bit. After the movie I ran to Costco by myself and once I was all alone, I almost sat on top of the dog food in the back of the store and cried hysterically myself. I seriously considered it but then I was scared someone I knew would see me and so I made it to the car before I broke down in loud, pathetic, gut wrenching sobs. I wouldn't quite call it my first curl into a ball moment, mostly just because I was in the front seat of my car and curling into a ball wasn't quite possible, but it was pretty close to that. This is just all so terrible. Most of the time I'm able to stay positive, but there are times when it just all gets to be too much. It's a lot, you know.

We won't know the results of all those tests until Monday. I'm not quite sure what more it will tell us, and I have a feeling that if it does tell us more - it will probably be bad news. I'm not being negative or anything, just trying to shoot straight with ya. On Monday I will also have my radiation simulation. This is where they position me in all sorts of ways trying to find the optimum position for me to lay in so that the least amount of my inner body parts are exposed to the nasty radiation. Since I have butt cancer, I'm picturing I will be receiving my treatments with my rear high up in the air, haha. Once they figure out the best position, I will get a tiny little dot tattoo on either side of my hips so that it is easy to position me every time for treatments. I requested little hearts but my doc said no can do, haha. This experience is providing me with all sorts of firsts. My first (and only) tattoo, my first major surgery, my first brush with death. Ok, haha, that is a little dramatic right?!

Love you all. Thanks for checking in. I'll update you tomorrow.